Blurred Vision
by 123CREATUREoftheNIGHT
Summary: Elena was involved in a fatal car accident, the doctors say the chances are looking grim. Jeremy is having a hard time believing that he is going to lose the last real family he has, who will be there to comfort him? Slash, Deremy. Don't like? Don't read. Rated T because i'm paranoid.
1. Chapter 1

Authors Note:

I don't own anything or anyone.

There's not any slash in this chapter, but really if you clicked on this story your okay with slash so I don't know why I'm saying that but whatever. Okay, now onto the story.

I lounged lazily in my bed, listening to the chirping of the birds outside my window. I looked over at my alarm clock; 8:36 A.M. I groaned inwardly, I hadn't gone to sleep until 4 last night. It was Sunday, so I just nestled further into my warm cocoon and closed my eyes. I was almost back to sleep when I heard the agitating brriiiing of the home phone. I pulled my covers back and grumbled when the cold air hit my skin. Once I got the phone I held it to my ear and mumbled a hello. The voice that came back was serious and official, I was now wide awake.

"Are you Jeremy Gilbert?"

"Yes..." I answered wearily.

"I'm sorry to tell you this but your sister Elena has been involved in an accident."

"An A-accident?"

This has to be a nightmare, just wake up.

"A car accident." The women specified.

"Is she okay?"

"She's fallen into a coma, you can come visit her if you would like and the doctors would be able to describe the extent of the injury better than I can."

"Where is she?"

"She's at the Lincoln Hospital."

"Okay, thanks."

I dropped the phone, and then stumbled around to get ready to leave. All I wanted to do was fall into a hole and never come out; I wanted to cry myself to sleep. But I knew that I had to stay strong for Elena, it's what she would do for me. She will wake up, I told myself. I never was a good liar.

After throwing on some clothes that looked semi-clean and splashing some water on my face I was heading out the door. Just as I was about to leave I realized that other people would want to see her too. I resolved to calling Stefan and letting him send the message on.

"Hello?"

"Hey Stefan, uh Elena was in an accident she's at the Lincoln Hospital is you wanna visit."I mumbled pitifully.

"What do you mean an accident? How is she? What happened?"

I wanted to know the same exact things, didn't he get that? Oh, god, I can't take this. I hung up before he had a chance to ask any more questions. I splayed my hands on the counter trying to get my breathing in control, be strong I kept telling myself. In the background I vaguely heard my phone ringing and wanted to smash it into the wall. I couldn't believe this was actually happening. One step at a time, I told myself. Finally my breathing was under control and I made it out the door to my bike. Lincoln hospital was only a couple miles from our house so I should be able to make it there soon. Hopping on my bike and speeding away I could only hope that I could keep my unshed tears in for that long.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note:

Okay, so reviews would be pretty nice because this is my first fanfiction. Ya, sorry if it sucks. Anyway… Damon's kind of in this chapter but not until like the very end, but no worries he'll be a substantial part of the next chapter. Okay, I don't own anything or anyonw.. blah blah blah. Ya, I'm gonna go eat subway now because it tastes good… yupp… adios.

About five minutes later I arrived at the hospital. I hated the hospital. All I remember now when I think about hospitals are the unsteady heart monitors and then eventually the monotonous beep that signaled the end of my parents lives. To me it didn't seem right, to have their lives splayed out on the tiny screen. They were so much more than that, they were so much more than any of the doctors could ever know. In my self-induced daze I threw my bike down haphazardly having no idea where it landed. I turned to my left as I heard a blaring horn, and realized I had walked right into the middle of the road. I didn't even notice that the occupants had gotten out of the car until the driver was gently gripping my arm.

"Hey son, you okay?"

I vaguely recognized the shiny badge or the spiffy uniform before I was yanking my arm from his grip.

"Fine." I answered venomously.

The officer looked rather taken aback by the tone of my voice, but he quickly tried another approach.

"Are you visiting someone?" He asked me gently.

His voice sounded so genuine and sympathetic that I wanted to punch him in the face, and then cry into his shoulder, and then maybe shoot him a couple of times. My mind and my voice didn't seem to be on speaking terms so I numbly nodded my head reminding myself of why I was in such a hurry in the first place. Why was I wasting so much time here, I needed to be with her; supporting her.

"I-I-I have to-" I tried speaking and despised how shaky and weak I sounded. Resolving to just turn away and get to my sister my plan was immediately ruined when the officer took my arm again; holding me in place.

"How about I come with you?" He asked.

I knew he was just trying to help, but let me tell me something; right now there could be nothing more annoying. I angrily shook my arm away and then gruffly replied,

"I'm fine." I got even more pissed when once again my voice wavered and cracked at the end.

He took hold of my wrist, this time it was actually beginning to hurt, "Hey, calm down."

There wasn't much else in my head except punching this guy and getting to my sister, but the knowledge that he was a police officer didn't evade me so I closed my eyes and took a couple of deep breaths.

"Please, sir, please let go." I basically whimpered.

He was so taken aback by the change in attitude that he loosened his grip enough for me to shake it off and then run into the hospital. It's funny how one minute you can be so relieved about the simplest of things when in the real scheme of things that little sliver of relief is all that's left to feel. Your basically numb, at least that's how I felt. My euphoric feeling was short lived however because right when I walked into the hospital the smell of antiseptic hit my nose, and before I even heard the hoarse coughing and the crying babies I knew where I was. I always recognize places by their smells. There's no other way to describe it; it smelt like death. Before I knew it the same police officer was touching my shoulder and I was jumping nearly 10 feet in the air. Zapped back into reality, I could only wonder how much time I had actually spent standing there in the middle of the sliding doors. The man was slowly guiding me inside, gripping my elbow in a reassuring way.

"Why don't you just calm down and whoever you're looking for I'm sure their fine. Is it your parents?" He asked talking slowly as if I was some incapable child. I failed to realize that I probably seemed a little crazy right now

"No. It's my sister, now let me go." I yanked free of his annoyingly comforting hand. I was really getting tired of this guy. I walked up to the front desk with this new found confidence, or maybe it was just my willingness to prove myself to this guy.

"Hi, can I help you?" The woman at the front desk asked politely, looking up from furiously typing on the computer.

"Yes, I'm here to see Elena Gilbert."

"What's your name, sir?"

"Jeremy Gilbert, I'm her brother."

"I'm sorry, Jeremy, but your sister is still in surgery. You may come tomorrow morning at 10 to visit." Once the secretary saw the panic-stricken look on his face she added a gentle smile.

"No, you don't understand. I have to see her; she needs me." I said, my voice steadily rising.

"I'm sure she'll be fine until morning. She'll be out of surgery then, and your only other option would be waiting here all night." The nurse said.

"Okay, I'll wait." I whispered, deflated.

"Sir, I'm sure you'll be more comfortable at home than in these chairs."

"Don't tell me where I would be more comfortable when my sister is on the fence between LIFE AND DEATH!" I screamed in her face; close to tears.

"Okay, I was just suggesting-"

"YOU WEREN'T SUGGESTING ANYTHING!" I accused.

"Jeremy calm down." I spun around in shock at the voice that I heard.

"What are you doing here?" I whispered to Damon Salvatore, the last person on earth I expected to be here.


	3. Chapter 3

As usual don't own anything.

Okay, I'm really really really really sorry.

Like really sorry. I know I'm really obnoxious and stuff but my life has been really busy. I don't really wanna make lame excuses so I'm just gunna stop. I promise I'll update more frequently. Promise. Thnxs for reviewing guys, they make me reallllllyyyyy happy. Like a bubble of happiness about to explde in my heart. Anyway onto the story,

"I'm here for Elena." He said without missing a beat.

I cringed internally at the cold glare he had set on me. His icy blue eyes never wavered from mine. Of course he would be here for Elena, why would he be here for me?

Stupid, stupid, stupid, _stupid!_

"Right." I said awkwardly, clearing my throat. I turned to the lady at the desk and mumbled a quick apology and moved to sit in the uncomfortable plastic chairs. I sank down in a blue one that creaked with the onslaught of my weight and ran my hands over my face. The weight of the situation finally weighing on me. When I heard the familiar voice speak again, I looked up.

Damon was talking to the police officer, and for the first time I noticed Stefan was here also. Of course he was; they both love Elena.

Not me.

Get that through your head, you big idiot.

I heard identical creaks on opposite sides of me and saw the Salvatore brothers surrounding me. Now I really wanted to cry because I could smell the musky scent that was purely Damon so close yet so out of reach. I could never have him, and yet he possessed my heart.

"It'll be alright Jeremy, she'll pull through." Stefan said.

I looked at him blankly, what was he talking about?

Oh yeah, Elena, _Elena_! My sister. She's dying, she could be dead right now. They could have lost her during surgery and I'm out here throwing myself a pity party over my love life. I felt like I was about to barf.

I stood up quickly and made my way to the bathroom before I made myself look weak in front of two vampires. I ran into a stall and slammed the door shut behind me and everything I'd eaten suddenly came up and spewed into the toilet. I kept dry-heaving long after everything had come up. I didn't notice until I had stopped throwing up that tears were running down my face and there was a cold hand resting on my back.

"Done?"

It couldn't be. I'm just hallucinating. I turned my head to the side an inch and saw Damon kneeling behind me in the hospital bathroom. Suddenly the spot where his hand rested felt like bolts of electricity were running through it. I shivered in voluntarily while I mumbled a quiet yes and my cheeks heated up.

"Here." He said as he handed a bottle of water.

"Thanks."

Then, as soon as he was there he left, and the place where his hand used to be was cold again. I felt like a part of me was missing.

I gargled some water and spit it into the toilet then got up and flushed it. I made my way to the sink and accidentally caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. God, I looked like hell. Bags already were starting to form underneath my eyes, and my face looked like a ghosts'. I washed my face and hands and hopes of making myself look more like myself.

Why do I even care what I look like?

Oh, right. Damon.

I went and sat back down in the same seat and this time no one said anything. Soon I drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

################################################## ###########

"Jeremy, wake up!" I jerked awake to the face of Stefan, his eyes bulging with a nervousness that only love can cause.

"Wa's goin' on?" I mumbled, still tired and sore from a night sleeping in these plastic chairs.

"A doctor's here to talk to us about Elena." He said.

That woke me up fast. I scrambled up and followed Stefan into a room where Damon and the doctor were both seated.

Dread filled me with the look on the doctor's face. It didn't look good.

Maybe that's how his face is, I tried to tell myself. He's a doctor after all, he's seen many people die.

Including my sister. No.

_No._

"Mr. Gilbert, please take a seat."

I sat automatically in a chair, that was noticeably more comfortable than the ones in the waiting room.

"You're sister had very severe injuries when she got here, and I want you to know that we tried our best."

I did not like the direction this conversation was going. "Is she..?"

"No, she is not dead, but she is brain dead. There is only a 14% chance that she will awaken from her comatose state and even then she will be a vegetable for the rest of her life. Ultimately it will be you decision when to pull the plug. I'm very sorry."


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! I know it's been awhile, and I'm not even gonna try and make an excuse cause ya, I hate when peeps do that. U guys prob don't care about my life, u just wanna read the story. So yupp, I would say that I'll try to have an update up soon, but that didn't work out so well last time. So, when it's up it's up. I'm on summer vacation now so there's a good chance it'll be up in a couple weeks, but ya. Anyway, I obviously don't own anything. Like seriously anything. And without further ado, onto the story.**

I looked at the doctor's face, memorizing every wrinkle, every worry line. I wondered if I would have enough strength to do this part of the job. I wondered if I would start crying out of pure pity for my patients.

I wondered if that would scare them even more.

"Okay." I said and stood up. I knew Elena would pull through, she had to.

Because if she didn't, than I wouldn't either.

I could hear my heart beating unevenly in my head, and I saw the other three occupants of the room staring at me cautiously. The room seemed to go from cool and roomy to a hotness that was almost unbearable. Everyone was too close to me, the walls were closing in on me.

I couldn't breathe.

I vaguely heard Stefan ask the doctor what was happening, and I wondered myself what was happening. Was someone hurt?

Maybe it was my heart about to beat out of my chest that he was worried about.

"He's having a panic attack!"

Who is?

I crumpled to my knees, blackness blurring my vision.

"Jeremy. Jeremy look at me."

I tried to focus my attention toward the doctor, but I felt completely drained. As I let my eyes slip close I realized that it wasn't the doctor who had said that.

It was Damon.

I peeled open my eyes trying to ignore the insistent pounding in my head. Something was _wrong_. I knew it, I could feel it. But what was it?

The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was white. White everywhere.

_Their gone, Jeremy, their gone forever_.

White on the walls.

_She couldn't be saved. I'm sorry._

White on the ceiling.

_She's already lost too much blood. There's nothing we can do._

White in my heart.

_Everything happened so fast, she was dead before I could reach her._

White running through my veins.

_His heart's failing him, he won't survive much longer. _

White choking me.

_She's brain dead, it's your choice when to pull the plug._

White forcing itself up through my throat and out onto more whiteness.

"Woah, Jeremy, calm down!"

I couldn't stop myself. I kept throwing up until nothing was coming up anymore. I just sat hunched over the side of the hospital bed as the reality of the situation hit me.

Elena. Oh _God_, I was going to be sick again.

Suddenly somones hand was on my arm, pushing me upright onto the bed again.

"What happened?" I asked, noticing with a unpleasant feeling in my stomach that I'm currently lying in a hospital bed.

"You don't remember?"

I looked up into Damon's eyes trying to decipher what it is I was supposed to be remembering.

"Uh, no…" I mumbled.

"You had a panic attack."

I did?

"Oh." Was all I could think to say in return.

"Can I see Elena?" I hadn't seen her yet, and I realized that it might be the last time I'll get to.

"Are you sure you want to?" I recognized that voice, it calmed me and angered me at the same time.

"Of course I do." I growled.

"Alright." Damon said, sighing. "follow me."

I didn't answer, just hopped down from the hospital bed I was currently laying in and followed him out the door. Damon kept a steady pace all the way to the ICU, but he was always 3 paces in front of me. The silence that stretched between us was nothing if not awkward. I remember when we used to be able to talk for hours without running out of things to say. I miss that.

Apparently he doesn't.

"So, where's Stefan?" I asked quietly.

"Cafeteria." He answered quickly.

Something in his voice made me look up at him. I noticed his hunched shoulders and brisk walking and berated myself for not noticing earlier.

He was guilty.

Well, he was guilty about something, I'm just not quite sure what it is.

"Are you okay."

He suddenly spun on his heels and zoned in on me, trapping me between him and the wall.

"No, I am not okay. The love of my life is DEAD! Elena's dead, and I'll never even get to tell her how much I love her. I wasted all my time on _you."_

I stared at him for a minute, trying to process what exactly he was telling me. Does he blame me for something? I took one look at the hatred in his eyes and bolted. I didn't stop until I reached the bathroom, which thankfully was empty. I locked myself in a stall and sat down heavily on the seat. I thought about crying. I really, really wanted to cry, but what's the point?

Who's even going to notice?

I have nobody. No one.

I used to have Damon, and I used to have Elena. I even had Stefan. But not now.

Thinking back to what Damon said I was reminded of my entire life, because someone that I care about is yet again choosing Elena over me. It's always Elena. What's wrong with me?

Am I too clingy? Too distant? Too talkative? Too quiet?

Too weird?

That's when the first sob came.

Too gross.

Now salty crocodile tears were making their way down my face, and I couldn't stop them.

Too stupid.

It was getting hard to breath.

Too much of a fuck-up.

I couldn't stop.

Useless.

So, yupp. Jeremy's pretty depressed. And if u didn't get that white thing up there it's just basically referencing all the people that died in Jeremy's life. I mean let's face it people, basically everyone has died on him.


End file.
